Looking Smashed

No. I don’t drink. Although a stiff one might have been in order…I had my annual mammogram this week. It is never fun but usually tolerable. I am bruised. I generally like to go to the mobile unit. They are close and quick and there has never been an issue getting an appointment. This one was different. I showed up ahead of time for my appointment. I followed all the instructions – no deodorant, no powders, no lotions. I wore an easy on and off top. I cheerfully put on the hospital gown so that it opened in the front. And I waited. And waited. And waited some more. My appointment was at 9:00 AM and I had arrived at 8:50 AM just in case I needed to fill out any paper work. I had a meeting at 10:00 AM. Checking my phone showed that it was 9:20 AM. I didn’t need to panic. I was a short walk from my building and if I hustled I wouldn’t have a problem as long as I was done by 9:50 AM.

And I waited. Finally a nurse came in (not the one who had checked me in). She was all business as I stepped up to the machine. She was young and had very long fingernails, dagger-like, decorated with paint and rhinestones and glitter. To say she was rough would be an under statement. She slammed me around and pulled on me and then used the hydraulic pedal to really mash me flat. As she sweetly told me to hold my breath, she took the x-ray. AND THEN SHE DIDN’T RELEASE MY BOOB FROM THE MACHINE!!!!! As I clenched my teeth the sweat started down the sides of my face and began to bead on my upper lip. I saw the black clouds roll in and start to envelope my field of vision. The only times I’ve experienced the black clouds have been just before fainting. She looked up. She realized that there was something wrong. She started toward me and then the light went on in her brain. She released me. I gasped and a small whimper escaped my lips. One side of my chest was bright red and the other was ghostly white. I sat down in the chair. I gulped air. I tried very hard not to cry. She wrung her hands. I managed to finish the x-rays. She was new and young and inexperienced. She wasn’t familiar with the details of the machine. We had a chat. I seriously doubt she will make that same mistake again.

Then the real waiting began. To get my results. Of course I got the envelope in the mail last night. I opened it expecting to place it in my medical file and forget about it until next year’s letter reminding me I’m due. The letter basically said, “Hold on a hot minute, not so fast sister. There was something wonky on that film and we want you to call your doctor so we can check it out with bigger and better boob smashing equipment.” I don’t have time for this!!