Episode 17 of Looking Back is now available. I have been feeling much better this week. So much better that I’ve been reconsidering my story ending… My mother always wants a happy ending.
I spend too much time thinking. I’ve always been introspective but my psychologist characterizes it as “derealization disorder”. I think she’s grasping at straws. The previous diagnosis was PTSD and the one before that was Borderline Personality Disorder. In fact, ever since my parents first dragged me into a psychologist’s office they’ve been trying to diagnose me with some mental defect. And all this thinking about the psychologists makes me recall the psychiatrist I saw in college. The whole episode was precipitated by the RA in the dorm. She was engaged to a party boy from another university. He was visiting and she wasn’t back from her class so he was waiting in the lobby. He stopped me and struck up a conversation. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Next thing I know he had backed me into a corner and had his hands all over me. By the time I was able to slip under his arm; he had unbuttoned my blouse and unzipped my pants. It was a narrow escape. He must have told the RA that I’d tried to seduce him. There was an inquiry and a hearing of the Residence Life Council. I was not expelled but they insisted I see the school psychiatrist. That was when the fun began. This shrink was nothing more than a glorified drug pusher. He wanted to prescribe all sorts of medications to me for bogus mental conditions. Let’s just clear the air, I have never been bipolar. I do not have suicidal tendencies. I do not self-harm. Even though I’ve had bouts of depression I have never had to take anti-depressants or mood elevators. After my sessions with the school shrink the only medication I needed was a round of antibiotics to treat the STD that he conveniently gifted me. I don’t hate mental health professionals but I also don’t completely trust them either – especially the men.