Looking White

I would make a good vampire. I shy away from direct sunlight. It burns me. I am an expert at drawing blood and I enjoy it. And I’m very pale – a deathly white color in the winter. I blend into the scenery in a snowy landscape. I wear sandals and people sneer at me and comment, “Why are you wearing white socks with sandals? It isn’t fashionable!” Sadly I am not wearing socks. It is just my normal skin tone. Being as it is summer, I broke out the white Capri pants. I put on a sleeveless tunic top and stepped into the day. As I trudged across the parking lot headed into work, a coworker intercepted me. She was looking concerned. She had thought I wasn’t wearing any pants! Of course as she got closer she realized I did have clothes on but felt compelled to let me know that from a distance I appeared to be wearing a micro-mini dress. I laughed but it made me think. Is there such a thing as being too pale? As a youth I had fervently hoped that my freckles would run together and make me look tanned. I tried, I really did, to tan. I slathered myself in suntan oil and stretched out on a towel with my best friend. She got a tan and I got burned. Fried bacon crispy burnt. I have always questioned the health benefits of tanning beds and I have been vindicated with all the dire warnings of skin cancer risks.

I think I was born too late. If I’d been born in the early 1800s, I’d have been considered a real beauty. I wouldn’t have had to take arsenic to become pale. I would have been right in style wearing a wide brimmed hat and long sleeves in the summer. Alas I was born into a time when being tan indicates health and vigor instead of shouting that you are poor and a common laborer. So to recap I have the ability to turn 2 colors, red and white. I suppose that’s pretty talented. So here is a limerick (not my favorite form but I’m forcing myself to stretch).

I’m as pale as they come
Until booze I’ve had some
Then I turn red
Pass out like I’m dead
And wake feeling real dumb

18 thoughts on “Looking White

    1. Aw thanks! I suppose having a vampire friend is cooler than a zombie friend… Though after this week (today – Friday) of being at work by 6:30 AM and ending the day at ~5:30 PM I just might qualify as a zombie. If vampires live forever and zombies are already dead would a vampire zombie be able to exist?? Stay tuned – I’ll let you know Saturday.

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    1. I have been hyper vigilant and so far so good. I’ve got scars but no suspicious spots. My doctor is concerned so he always asks and checks my back and shoulders where I can’t see.

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  1. Haha. A cute poem. I also am 2 colors but they aren’t as interesting as white and red. I am mostly tan now, but when I was younger I was tan and darker tan. I’ve only been sunburnt a couple of times in my life, and then it wasn’t real bad.

    On Wed, Jul 25, 2018 at 9:15 AM, A Different Perspective wrote:

    > murisopsis posted: “I would make a good vampire. I shy away from direct > sunlight. It burns me. I am an expert at drawing blood and I enjoy it. And > I’m very pale – a deathly white color in the winter. I blend into the > scenery in a snowy landscape. I wear sandals and people sn” >

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  2. Honestly, I think it is plain silly the way white women are pushed into feeling as if they aren’t pretty enough without a little “color” to their skin. White is a color, (or at least what we call white when referring to our skin), and it’s the one we were born with. I used to tan when I was young, and then I used the bottled fake tanner. Now I just think, “This is the color I am, and nothing to be ashamed of!” Because you’re right, it’s just a matter of timing whether or not it’s considered to be pretty to be pale!

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  3. Love the limerick.
    I have a friend that is that pale.
    I try to watch my skin in the sun due to cancer…My arms are a bit tan from riding the ‘bike’ but my legs and the rest of me? pretty pale. LOL. My husband? He can just walk out in the sun and tan..my mama is the same. Crazy.

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  4. You come by it honestly. It goes with the red hair honey. However, your father had black hair and very white skin and burned easily too!

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  5. How did I miss this one in July!?! As a limerick aficionado, I think this one is pretty good, though I can tell that you don’t fully appreciate the more low-brow qualities of the form. I fear you are simply too pure to relish the wickedness of a naughty rhyme. Now the “maladroit pirate named Bates…” there’s one to tickle the funny bone.

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    1. Hehe. I’m sure I could come up with a more “earthy” limerick but I tend to keep it clean – I suppose a hold over from xanga where there were many youths reading… besides
      The limerick is not my preferred form
      Crude sexual innuendo’s the norm
      For those who love it
      I’ll tell them to shove it
      And sit’n rotate on a corm

      Yeah, I can do it but I think it best (for the sake of my reputation as a “good girl”) not to – except for this once just to prove I can.

      Liked by 1 person

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