Open box of chocolate candy
Search for the legend handy
Which one should I avoid
Maple coconut schadenfreude
Likewise the jelly belly beans
Is orange vomit or tangerines
The chart that came with the bag
Was hidden by a scalawag
With trembling heart and hand
I make a guess, a choice unplanned
A tentative taste, a little nibble
With relief it’s peanut brittle!
In this week leading up to Christmas there are a multitude of treats piling up in the break room at work. The boss set out a box of chocolate crepes. These are light and crispy and very tasty. The best part is that there are no surprises. What you see is what you get!
Now there are also 2 boxes of assorted chocolates. These are quite tempting to me. But there is a hitch. I am very cautious about sampling them because there is no diagram showing which is which! I think someone tossed it since I’m familiar with that company and they always include one. The other box, well, it is hard to say what is what because none of the chocolates match the picture in the lid. I hate maple and I will spit out coconut, then shudder and search for some water to rinse out my mouth… So I really don’t want to take a chance. I caught one of my coworkers moving chocolates. She reasoned that because there were spaces, she should remove the empty papers and slide things around to consolidate the candy and eventually get it all on one level and eventually into one box! I’ve resolved to avoid those chocolates. With my luck I’d get the double whammy of maple coconut!
Then there is the bottle of jelly beans. These are an assortment in a 3 pound plastic jar. I’ve seen this before last Christmas with Sparky’s family (because they like their candy). It came with a pictogram of the various colors/patterns on the back of the jar with the flavor listed. This jar is missing all labeling and instead has a Christmas bow for decoration. I figured I was savvy enough with my jelly beans to avoid the flavors that I dislike (cotton candy, bubble gum, coconut, buttered popcorn, cappuccino, mocha, coffee, root beer). What I didn’t count on was that this assortment was a custom mix. Not only were there the original flavors but it had the Harry Potter flavors, the BeanBoozled mix, Sours and the Cocktail Classics mixed in. It was an evil thing to do as a Christmas gift. As you might have guessed, I attempted to select some of my favorite flavors – licorice, cinnamon, peach, and juicy pear. Unfortunately in the perverse universe of Jelly Belly the peach is the same look as vomit, cinnamon is very similar to cherry or earthworm, and the pear is identical to booger. I can tell you without reservation that I do not like the taste of vomit, earthworm or booger. And yes I spit them out. And I will be avoiding that jar of (tainted) jelly beans from now to eternity!