Looking at Online Purchasing

As I mentioned previously, I assisted son#1 in cleaning up and cleaning out his bedroom prior to the repair work. Now I am a professed “neat freak”. This was confirmed by son#2 who announced during a family get together that I “love animals but she annihilates dust bunnies – they don’t stand a chance in her house!” I suppose it was a compliment. It took 2 days of hard labor to straighten and condense all his stuff into organized and boxed units for storage in the attic. At one point he had a dresser drawer on the floor in the middle of the living room heaped with underwear. I’m not kidding there were maybe 3 months worth of skivvies. So I did what any OCD person would do – I emptied the drawer and sorted them by size and style. Then I asked the question, “Do you even wear this size?” Of course the answer was an exasperated no. A stack of 12 pr of gently worn or never worn boxer briefs went into the Goodwill bag. Then I beckoned him to sort through the remaining boxer briefs to eliminate any that had holes or dead elastic. Those went into the bag as well. He was now down to an ample supply when I stumbled on another stash of underwear in a bin. As I lifted them out I asked (probably shouldn’t have but I’m his mom), “So you are wearing silky thongs now?” He snatched them from my hands and yelped, “They’re NOT thongs!!” I suppressed a giggle. I then came across 2 pair of holographic geometric neoprene boy-cut briefs. As he was clasping 2 dozen pairs of silky satiny skimpy briefs (in black and navy), I asked, “Are you so desperate for cash that you are pole dancing now?” as I held up a pair. He gave up. He dropped the bikini briefs onto the sofa next to me and held up the other pair of neoprene underwear. As I stacked his “too delightful” briefs into the underwear drawer, he told me the story of the neoprene underwear.

He was shopping on line. He said that one of the drawbacks of shopping on line is that sometimes the photos and descriptions are not accurate, don’t match the product, or are completely missing. In the case of this unfortunate purchase it was all of the above. He had ordered some underwear previously and thought these were the same. They were on close-out super sale for only $2 for a 2 pack and appeared to be plain black. It was too good to be true. They arrived and he opened them. He was taken aback by the pattern and the texture of the fabric. He reasoned, what the heck, he’d give them a try. By the time he finished his story I was laughing so hard I was crying. I’m sure the neighbors heard me howling and thought he was probably murdering me. His description included these phrases: “They didn’t breathe at all.” “It felt like a swamp in my pants.” “I was pruned when I took them off.” “I’ll never wear them ever again.” “What idiot thought that fabric was a good idea?”
At first he was going to toss them but I convinced him that he could safely donate them to Goodwill. You know they don’t keep a secret file on the name, address and license plate number for each donation…