Looking at Online Purchasing

As I mentioned previously, I assisted son#1 in cleaning up and cleaning out his bedroom prior to the repair work. Now I am a professed “neat freak”. This was confirmed by son#2 who announced during a family get together that I “love animals but she annihilates dust bunnies – they don’t stand a chance in her house!” I suppose it was a compliment. It took 2 days of hard labor to straighten and condense all his stuff into organized and boxed units for storage in the attic. At one point he had a dresser drawer on the floor in the middle of the living room heaped with underwear. I’m not kidding there were maybe 3 months worth of skivvies. So I did what any OCD person would do – I emptied the drawer and sorted them by size and style. Then I asked the question, “Do you even wear this size?” Of course the answer was an exasperated no. A stack of 12 pr of gently worn or never worn boxer briefs went into the Goodwill bag. Then I beckoned him to sort through the remaining boxer briefs to eliminate any that had holes or dead elastic. Those went into the bag as well. He was now down to an ample supply when I stumbled on another stash of underwear in a bin. As I lifted them out I asked (probably shouldn’t have but I’m his mom), “So you are wearing silky thongs now?” He snatched them from my hands and yelped, “They’re NOT thongs!!” I suppressed a giggle. I then came across 2 pair of holographic geometric neoprene boy-cut briefs. As he was clasping 2 dozen pairs of silky satiny skimpy briefs (in black and navy), I asked, “Are you so desperate for cash that you are pole dancing now?” as I held up a pair. He gave up. He dropped the bikini briefs onto the sofa next to me and held up the other pair of neoprene underwear. As I stacked his “too delightful” briefs into the underwear drawer, he told me the story of the neoprene underwear.

He was shopping on line. He said that one of the drawbacks of shopping on line is that sometimes the photos and descriptions are not accurate, don’t match the product, or are completely missing. In the case of this unfortunate purchase it was all of the above. He had ordered some underwear previously and thought these were the same. They were on close-out super sale for only $2 for a 2 pack and appeared to be plain black. It was too good to be true. They arrived and he opened them. He was taken aback by the pattern and the texture of the fabric. He reasoned, what the heck, he’d give them a try. By the time he finished his story I was laughing so hard I was crying. I’m sure the neighbors heard me howling and thought he was probably murdering me. His description included these phrases: “They didn’t breathe at all.” “It felt like a swamp in my pants.” “I was pruned when I took them off.” “I’ll never wear them ever again.” “What idiot thought that fabric was a good idea?”
At first he was going to toss them but I convinced him that he could safely donate them to Goodwill. You know they don’t keep a secret file on the name, address and license plate number for each donation…

17 thoughts on “Looking at Online Purchasing

  1. May I invite you to help me clear out my excess clothing? You wouldn’t find neoprene pants, but there might be some other inteesting treasures!


  2. This was hilarious, Muri. I feel your son’s pain. Buying underwear is difficult under the best of conditions. I have trouble getting out of a brick and mortar store with the right thing. There’s three or four major brands offering briefs, hipsters, French-cuts, bikinis, thongs and boy shorts in cotton, nylon, microfiber, some with low profile elastic or lace or a hidden tummy control panel. I locate the column with my preferred brand, style, and fabric, only to discover that my size comes only in aqua, electric orange, and black in solid, stripes, and paisley. I dig all the way to the back, find one with just white and muted pastels, and toss it in my cart. I get it home and realize it was misfiled. They’re the right size, in the colors I wanted, but they’re microfiber boy shorts. Just shoot me. ๐Ÿ™‚


    1. Hehe… Once I was so fixated on getting a specific style bra that I ended up with the wrong size so I know that pain. Glad you enjoyed – sorry you had the usual bra shopping experience!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My little family recently sent me Father’s Day care packages-which included “breathables”. They fit fine and are NOT “thongs”, but online shopping for such items is indeed a crap shoot (no pun intended).


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