Looking at Laughter

I want to laugh
With abandon
Carefree and with volume
Do not shush me
Try to make me afraid
To shake and gasp
Open my mouth
Reveal all my teeth
I want to laugh hard
Without judgement
Disapproving looks
Telling me I’m unseemly
Unladylike, brazen
Don’t try to stifle my joy
Minimize my mirth
Do not muffle my humor
I will only laugh harder

This little free verse was inspired by a warped sense of humor. Little did I know or realize but my sense of humor is a product of my upbringing and societal norms. When I was young, ladies giggled or maybe tittered and sometimes they would produce a “ha!” almost as if it were an involuntary sneeze. But genteel women didn’t throw their heads back and roar. They didn’t gasp or snort or laugh so hard that they gasped for air. A lady never laughed so hard that they would cry – that would have doomed her mascara! So I learned to laugh with my father who would laugh explosively and then shake silently before another round of roaring laughs escaped him. I soon learned that this was too shocking coming from a little girl. I suppressed my laugh. In high school I only laughed when in the company of best friends or family. The rest of the time I suppressed the laugh and only released minor chuckles when deemed appropriate. I was considered a humorless and altogether sober student. It took a long time before my husband ever saw me “crack up”. In fact it was just before he proposed. He had given me a Garfield comic compilation. I started reading and my smile broadened and then I giggled and before I could control myself, I burst into a full fledged laughing jag. I think it startled him. But it didn’t make him love me less. It just might have made him love me more. Now I laugh as often and as loudly as I want. I’m free. I have an odd sense of humor. I think farts are funny. So is rabbit poop. And incense that comes in boxes with holes. I laugh at fashion and food and small children trying ice cream for the first time. But cats always amuse me along with people who own them trying to understand the mysterious ways and why fores of the feline! Thanks goodness for “I Can Has Cheezburger?” videos!!