Looking at Little Ones

Christmas brought the extended family together – along with the great nieces and nephews. Some of the WP blogs I follow spoke of grand children. It brought home the issue that Sparky was musing on – our lack of grandchildren. Sparky and I are not grandparents. At this point in time it doesn’t look like we ever will be. And all our closest friends are in the same boat. It made me think. None of my sisters is a grandparent. Of Sparky’s 5 siblings only one is a grandparent. That is a total of 16 nieces/nephews and only 4 have children! Statistically speaking only 25% of the Gen X group in our families have reproduced… There have been lots of people who have theories as to why Gen X has failed to date, mate, and procreate. Some posit that the males have become addicted to pornography and there are no flesh and blood women that can compete with the idealized version in glossy magazines or on the computer screen. One theory is that Gen X is so self-centered that they are unwilling to share their lives with anyone. Another theory is that they are so driven in their pursuit of success/wealth/status that they have no time for personal relationships. An article pinned the blame on economic factors. It observed that they were financially unprepared to support themselves let alone another. Another journal (psychology) took the view that women ranked potential mates/spouses based on earning power before physical characteristics and placed more weight on their monetary worth than their personalities.

Although all these may play a part, I don’t think there is any one overall cause. Case in point, my sons are shy. They are, when with family, engaging with quick wits. They are kind, generous, thoughtful, and helpful. But when they are in social situations out of their comfort zones they become quiet, withdrawn, and unable to hold an intelligent conversation. Granted they have made strides toward being more social. Son #1 becomes loquacious when he consumes a couple of beers. Unfortunately that doesn’t mean he is talking to females. Son #2 is more at ease with the fairer sex but is likewise not actively dating. The fact that they are not in high earning jobs (a musician will never be filthy rich – at least not a violist) doesn’t help.

I broached the subject with son#2 the other day. He told me his horror story. He had been texting a woman from a dating app. They agreed to meet for coffee. Taken that son#2 doesn’t drink coffee I can assume that it was the location and informal atmosphere that was the deciding factor. I had never heard the term “an Irish exit” before. The definition of the Irish exit means to depart from any event without telling any anyone, basically sneaking away. I was appalled. What would make my wonderful and polite son do something so awful? I guess after the beverages had been purchased and they were chatting, the young woman was recounting all the things she liked to do for fun. They had some things in common but when she dropped the bomb he took off. “Oh, and I like to occasionally smoke a little crack…” This of course was inserted in the middle of the list. He listened smiling and nodding as his mind went into panic mode. He excused himself to the bathroom and left.

With all the online dating it becomes all too easy to fabricate an identity or gloss over your personal foibles and flaws. The idea that you can find someone online is much rarer than they want you to believe. Couple that with the swipe left effect of most dating apps and there really aren’t any prospects. On a high note son#2’s coworkers think he is a catch and are actively trying to line up some likely prospects from their circle of friends and family. Son#1 is likewise on his Aunt’s radar and she has sent him the email of a young woman she works with… we are crossing our fingers and at the same time not getting our hopes up. *sigh*