Looking Born Again

My entire existence had been a yearning
For independence and freedom
To stretch my arms to the heavens
To propel myself through the world
And with great effort I fledged
And fell
Tumbling from comfort
Shocked by the coldness
I threw my arms out grasping
A gasping borning cry erupts
As my wish was made reality and regret

As the cold seeps into my bones I find I’m more and more inclined to curl up in a blanket and snuggle down in front of the space heater. In an effort to stay warm I layer my clothes: leggings under a long skirt, a long-sleeved top under a long sweater, throw a fleece poncho over it all, with wool socks and high-top fake fur slipper boots. And if there were no reason to move I wouldn’t. But life moves forward and I am compelled to move as well.

When I was a child I longed for independence. But as a child I had no idea that independence meant that I would be responsible for my own food, clothing, laundry, transportation, etc. We seem to be hardwired to seek freedom. Even as far back as gestation we strive for independence. There is little the mother can do to prevent the arrival of the baby. And when the baby is ready there will be no stopping the dash for freedom. So we make our arrival into this world – from comfort and safety to cold and chaos. The cycle repeats when we leave home. And again when we make life choices, always with an eye to having more independence. Right up to the point when we finally welcome death and step into another plane. Always hoping that the next step will return us to the comfort that we traded for independence!

34 thoughts on “Looking Born Again

  1. Such a well expressed post about what we all experience on independence. I am sure that you have read what Kahlil Gibran has said about it. Often repeated at weddings~! Sometime I agree, but other times I question it, and like you need a warm body, blanket or even a puppy dog for comfort, as you do here~! For those who do not follow the teachings of Gibran it is repeated here:

    “Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
    And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

    Love one another but make not a bond of love:
    Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
    Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
    Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
    Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
    Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

    Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
    For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
    And stand together, yet not too near together:
    For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
    And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

    So my opinion: What he does not say here is that little oaks and cypress only grow in the shadow and protection of the old dying tree from which new life has fallen, and this is the normal continuance of life~!

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    1. So glad you liked this one SAM. The wisdom of Gibran is poetically beautiful but it is but one perspective. We each need to find our own truth and our own comfort level. If comfort is the opposite of independence then some people throw off the blanket and others wrap it tightly. Some feel alone when there are no others nearby and some feel alone in the midst of a crowd…

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      1. So true, as I say too~! No philosophy or any walk of life fits any two people the same, if it did this would be a very dull world indeed~! And I like your parallel about different moods needing differents amounts of independence, I love my solitude out here in the quiet, world, but at times I crave someone to talk to, then when Maria arrives and my house becomes a noise machine, vacuum, talking to each other, washing machine, dryer, dog barking, then when again she leaves, I am lonely again~! Sometime I say loudly to an empty door: “COME IN~!!” This sets Tami off to barking at the empty door, and I feel alive again~!

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  2. Very good Val. It was 38 degrees this morning, 32 degrees yesterday. But I’m fortunate here as it warms up to 50 and no snow. Knee socks and leg warmers at night. Hard to find leg warmers.

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  3. You’ve been thinking again. 😉 Poignant poem.
    Humans are such funny creatures, eh? Grass is always greener…elsewhere.
    I’ve really begun to look forward to meditating everyday. Just…be…and…breathe.
    And I already have a ‘quiet’ life, but one can still get caught up in mind snares.

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    1. Absolutely there is the danger that the mind spins out of control. I’ve been praying and meditating as best I’m able. I’m practicing my breathing… As for thinking, I do it a lot but the really deep thinking is not always on the agenda (I have to wait until the house is empty and there are no interruptions). Humans give me much to ponder, I do a fair amount of introspection and still I haven’t figured it all out…

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    1. Being a little uncomfortable keeps us awake and ready for the Bridegroom’s arrival! Still I hope to stay awake wrapped in a blanket so my fingers will work enough to trim my lamp….

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  4. Deep pondering thoughts … I tend to think of us being interdependent throughout our life cycle. Without that space heater and poncho you’d feel more than a deep chill …

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    1. My mother says I was born “old” so I have always been a thinker. Which is better than being a stinker. We are interdependent much more than we realize. But doesn’t stop us from shouting “I can do it by myself!” Sometimes I think we are all stalled at the terrible twos…

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  5. Wanting freedom and independence has been my mantra from the time i was a teenager. I still feel that way, even though there is a span more than seventy years in between. Getting away from winter and the attending weather, gnaws at my bones and my liver! Do you think people who live in warm places like the southern states and the tropics feel the same about wanting to get away from the heat and blinding sunshine, and head to colder climates? I know I did at one time, and it landed me here in the tundra of middle Illinois.
    I like the use of your word “borning” versus birthing. Very effective and cleansing.
    Love you.

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    1. Aw, thank you! Borning is more poetic than vagitus! I love the sun and the warmth but I would get tired of it. My sister would never consider coming north in the winter… But I do know that the heat in the summer saps energy and if there was no AC she’d be heading for a cooler climate.

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    1. Many thanks Michelle! I wanted my children to become independent and then I was sad. Now that they are on their own they revisit the “nest” regularly which makes me happy. I hope you will have a Joyous Christmas with family!

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  6. I have been of a similar viewpoint-walking away from home, at age 4, and crossing four streets, on my own, was probably not the wisest of ideas. The hairbrush to my backside convinced me to tone it down a bit.

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    1. I crossed a highway to get the mail (all the neighborhood boxes were located as a group across from the entrance to the subdivision). I managed to get the mail and get half way across the highway before traffic got heavy. I was rescued by a neighbor who stopped to let me cross the rest of the way… Boy, did I get in trouble! I was in 1st grade. We look for that independence all the time…

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