Looking Under the Sofa

I like to think I keep a tidy house. Perhaps it is an obsession or a ploy for control over life – I don’t know. It is however one of those things that gives me a sense of calm. If all my dishes are clean and in the cupboard, all the laundry folded and put away, and everything in its place I can relax. That said, there are a couple things that I hate to do. One is dust. If I could create a living space devoid of all dust (that is no dusting would be required), I’d be a very happy camper. The other cleaning activity that is not one I regularly undertake is moving furniture to clean underneath or behind. (cue foreboding music)

With the holiday upon us, I felt the pressure to clean. Sparky hates when I go into what he calls a “cleaning frenzy”. This year he asked why I was cleaning when it was just going to be the boys and maybe saintvi. It was a good question and I did pause for a moment before responding. My response is one that parents across the eons have used, “Because.” Sparky was not inclined to assist. So I took it upon myself to start the process. My first area to clean was the family room. The ceiling fan was obviously dusty. I could see the fuzzy edges of the blades. I am short so I was in the process of putting the step stool on top of the coffee table when Sparky walked in. “What are you doing?!” burst from his mouth. Though he didn’t verbalize it I clearly heard “the HELL” in that question. I looked at him and stated the obvious, “I’m going to dust the ceiling fan.” He took one look and told me that I was NOT. An arched eyebrow later the fan blades were clean. I finished dusting the lower areas.

I have a Roomba named MO (microorganism obliterator) that I send on a cleaning mission weekly. The Roomba is great but it cannot vacuum underneath the sofa or chairs. I dragged the monster vacuum from the closet and plugged it in to get the crevice tool working and to get all the crumbs out of the sofa. When I say crumbs I’m being kind. Sparky likes to snack on the sofa while watching TV. Anyway, after removing cushions and removing a handful of debris it was time to move the sofa. This particular sofa is a sleeper sofa that my mother gifted to us. To say it is heavy is an understatement. I was grunting in an attempt to move it. Perhaps I was grunting louder than I realized. Anyway, Sparky again came into the room to inquire why I was making that noise. I’m sure he had ulterior motives but he consented to move the sofa for me. Oh my! I am very lucky that we don’t have vermin or cockroaches! I found whole chips, peanuts, Cheetos, and a variety of cereal in addition to the usual dust bunnies. There was a fair amount of Ranger hair, some pine needles (we removed the carpet 5 years ago and hadn’t had a real tree in that room for at least 20 years), a button, a grocery flier, and a dime!

I feel vindicated and richer. My house is cleaner (I’m going to have to wash the glass globes on the dining room hanging lights next) and I can now concentrate on making the food for Christmas dinner. Please tell me I’m not insane and that other women feel compelled to clean before guests come into the house…