Looking Betrayed

Love abandoned I am alone
All your fault none of my own
Mistakes you made you should atone
And harsh words I cannot condone
Tears splash but your heart’s a stone
You close your ears to my moan

From my heart escapes a moan
Know that I loved you alone
It feels as if I’ve swallowed a stone
You want to divide what we own
Your heartless actions I won’t condone
For this betrayal you must atone

Penance and reparations to atone
You refuse and bitch and moan
Bad behavior expects I’ll condone
The way you left me all alone
Hateful words are your own
My wounded heart is turned to stone

You were the first to cast a stone
You can never hope to atone
Unfaithfulness to me you must own
My anger rises and I release a moan
You want space to be alone
Your adultery I won’t condone

The judge is strict and won’t condone
He sinks your plans like a stone
The creditors are your problem alone
They require payment for debts atone
I hear your wallet emit a moan
I take half of what you own

Your destruction I smugly own
The ruin of my heart condone
Mutual hurt a stereo moan
I rebuild stacking stone on stone
With divorce decree you’ll atone
And I’ll soldier on peacefully alone

My own happiness a precious stone
Self respect won’t condone or atone
The last moan spent I’ll remain alone

This sestina is to fulfill the NPM21 prompt #10 – write a sestina. I really do not like the sestina. I always have trouble deciding on the six words that I’m going to use. Then there is the whole mathematical matrix to remember the order in which the words are used… Anyway I decided to throw another level of complexity on the fire by making it a monorhyme. And to pour some fuel on this fire, I wrote it as a love betrayed poem. There are lots of divorces going on. There have always been divorces but they were the dirty little secrets that people kept. Now it is out in the open and has become common enough that no one bats an eye. I believe in “until death do us part” kind of marriage. However I have limits. Physical abuse and I’d be gone in a heartbeat. A cheating spouse would be kicked to the curb with sonic speed. I know that there are some women who go into divorce proceedings feeling generous and trusting their soon to be former spouse. There are others who want nothing more than to induce pain and suffering in direct proportion to the pain they have felt. An unfaithful spouse would probably make me crazy vindictive.

52 thoughts on “Looking Betrayed

  1. Impressive. I know you’re expert at monorhyme, but now you take it to a higher level of sestinazation while maintaining the love theme. All the while creating a powerful poem. Well done!

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  2. This was very well done. As a spouse who was divorced due to adultery (it says it right there in the documents), I found it very realistic. Of course the form and word usage were impressive (cause you do things that way).

    I’ll offer that when you have children with the spouse, it becomes important to allow their relationship to be separate from yours. I didn’t do that perfectly, but I was glad to have the sons work out their relationships with their father before he died more than a decade later.

    I did a lot of talking with God about how to manage my relationship to someone I didn’t know as well as I thought I did. God loved us both as much as I loved my sons, so I started over from there – with firm boundaries, of course. I had to go through divorce recovery to get to the place that allowed me to be safe and kind at the same time for him, though.

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    1. Wow Dodi. I’m so sorry to hear that you went through that. I have no real experience and it is gratifying to know I was pretty accurate in my depiction. That is the part that I omitted – children. They are often the innocent by-standers that become collateral damage in divorces. I don’t think it gets any easier when they are adult children and parents divorce…

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      1. Yes, even adult children have their reality and expectations for the future damaged in the losses of a family breakup. I had to deal with their grief along with mine, though none of it was my fault. I was the parent who stayed, though (my ex moved to another state to be with his girlfriend who he later married). Once the dust clears and life finds a way to resume, I know that our breakup was truly for the best. I spent a few years finding out who I was since I was no longer wife/mother with kids at home and entering menopause – fun times as I look back and marvel.

        I learned who I was and worked on becoming the woman I liked to be. I found out I was eating french fries and that I didn’t really care for them. I broke some bad habits – finally! And I found out I really like having my own space rather than finding ways to be part of a couple again. Life is better, and I’m not sorry for the good times that came before the break up.

        God made sure I had something at the end of it all, too. Since I was married more than 10 years to my ex, I am getting a Social Security benefit as his widow (as well as his last wife), and I am still working a full time job that pays well. So, I’m well cared for in my golden years (I’m going to be 67 in two months).

        He left in 2000, so all of this goodness comes from a lot of work in the early years. We had to be civil at one wedding and we managed to have a dance at the second.

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        1. I love happy endings! It amazes me still that so many women subjugate their own personalities and desires when they marry. I’m glad I waited to marry until I was 26. That gave me time to learn who I was and what I wanted…

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  3. Your imagination (or empathy) knows no bounds! At first I wasn’t crazy about this form, but it began to grow on me as it went along, especially when his wallet moaned.
    Though I’ve never lost a current spouse to death, I can imagine in many cases it would be easier than divorce.

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    1. Thanks Judy! I tried to interject a little humor but you are right in that death is likely easier to deal with – as there is some sense of finality about it. Divorce from my point of view (having never experienced it myself) is like a death but being haunted by the ever present ghost of what was…

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  4. Let’s just say you captured the feelings so well, that I can’t even comment. i.e. Well done.
    BUT love that you don’t like the form, so you leaned way into it and made it harder. 😉 Wow. Let me take a page from your playbook, warrior-ess. Well done.

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    1. Kim I have had several friends and coworkers that have gone through horrific divorces. I write from an amalgamation of observations. Your compliment however has made my day! I was trying very hard to disguise the sestina in several layers of sweeter forms. I think I managed. But I don’t think I’m going to write another for, um, maybe a year…

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    1. Thanks Mr. Mouse! I am glad you think this one more difficult than the usual sestina (I think it got easier using the monorhyme). There are still 4 more prompts for me to complete… so I accept the congrats as a preemptive comment! hehehe!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Most welcome sis.
        Any additional restrictions can make or break a writer.

        Ah I misread. I thought it said it was your final prompt.
        Well I’ll be around for the final four.

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        1. Glad to hear that I’ll see you around for awhile longer! I’m not so sure about the additional restrictions making or breaking. I think of them like catsup or salsa – adding them to cover the unpleasantness of certain foods… I have a friend who loves catsup but hates broccoli thus eats broccoli smothered in catsup!

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  5. Well done! I guess the form makes it easy to find rhymes, though. I don’t think I’ll try it. 🙂

    The thing about love betrayed, other than physical abuse, the abused partner might not even know. My poem for this situation is a LOT shorter 😉

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    1. Thanks Martha! I dislike the sestina (I can’t remember why I included it in the scavenger hunt) but it did work out. I think there are several instances that make divorce imperative – abuse (physical and psychological) is at the top of the list. I think I can just about see the micropoetry (2 words?)that you would write on this topic!!

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    1. I’m thrilled you liked this one! Yes, once you get to the divorce stage trust is broken and it would be foolish to think that there would be “fair play”…

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  6. First of all, I am glad to know that you didn’t or don’t care foe sestinas. Phew! Second of all, why are you so good at it when you don’t like it?
    Val i love you. You could sit down and try to teach me sometimes. I will be obedient to you as a pupil. Lovely poem. Great imagery.

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    1. Zakiah you are a brilliant poetess! I may have some forms but you capture the heart!! I love you back and thank you for the very gracious compliment!! My talent with the sestina pales when compared to Sandra’s works… If you want to learn – she is the master!!

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    1. Ha! Michelle I struggled mightily – do not be deceived. This was very difficult for me. More difficult than the sonnet by far. My first sestina (from a scavenger hunt back in Xanga days) left me shaken and scarred for life. So I try to make the sestina less intimidating by adding a more friendly component (in my case a monorhyme). I am anxiously awaiting the debut of your sestina!

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