Looking for Mr. Right

It seems we have regressed a little during the pandemic. It has become more difficult for men and women to date. It is harder to meet potentially marriageable people. Sure the technology is there. You fill out the personality profile, the intelligence quotient assessment, the emotional intelligence test, and tons of compatibility profiles that are all fed into a computer that matches you with others who have turned to computer dating/matchmaking services. What happens when you look but only find Mr. Wrong?

So far my son’s have not found Ms. Right. And to complicate matters they have been swiped left far too many times. They have not given up on finding love. The pandemic however has put their search on hold. With their prospects dimming, son#2 is talking about getting a dog. Son#1 has decided that being alone isn’t such a bad deal. But he’s the introvert and terminally shy. He hasn’t discarded the idea of love or marriage. His philosophy is “If someone drops from the sky, I’m open to a relationship, but I’m not going to tie myself in knots trying to find the one.”

Sometimes being happy with who you are is the biggest attractant. Having a full life is very possible without a spouse or significant other. At least they are currently surrounded by friends and family who provide a network of caring. That also means they are surrounded by people who are on the lookout for eligible women. We are all sure that they are 2 Mr. Rights dwelling in our midst!

81 thoughts on “Looking for Mr. Right

    1. Nice one David! It is my off day so no poetry – Wednesday is poetry day and I’m working on it now… I suppose I could pen one on this topic as it is an easy one to get into!! I’m tempted to tanka you on this but will just thank you instead!

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  1. My children are not the dating app types–yet they both have a rich circle of friends, attached and not. They are spouseless, but far from alone. And I have many single childless friends that have had wonderful rich lives. (K)

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    1. And that is exactly how it is for them. They are fortunate to have friends from high school, college and work that provide a diverse and enjoyable social circle. I’m amused that their friends are always on the lookout for possible girlfriends for them!

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  2. When both of my sons were beyond the 35th birthday, the youngest one casually mentioned that their friends were being nagged by parents who wanted grandchildren. He was glad to say that I didn’t nag him one bit. Then he asked why. I told him that when his father and I were childless, and told that we were not “a fertile couple”, that we just began building our lives without that promise. “There’s a whole lot of life that has nothing to do with breeding.” I told him.

    The happy footnote to that story is that we found out that there was a baby due the following November, chuckle. Neither parent had ever had a pregnancy scare before, and they were still at the early stage of their relationship. It didn’t lead to marriage, but they share custody 50-50 and are fully engaged in their young man’s life.

    It’s not the story I thought would ever happen, but I am not at all dismayed. I hope that the ideal things happen for your sons, as they seem to be men of good character and enduring qualities. I’m glad that they are dodging relationships that can be damaging for now.

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    1. I think they are more than willing to wait for children. Their Godparents never had children and their uncle is in a childless marriage – they see that their lives are full and fulfilling so they are not in a rush… Congratulations on having a son who “did the right thing” and remains involved in his son’s life! Too often the marriages that were forced fell apart after a couple years despite the children…

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  3. Going off my brother and best friends experience the women have really changed. Instead of wanting marriage or even a long term relationship, the women want to juggle men and party.

    My brother went through the conversion classes and is catholic and very strict so waiting until marriage is a turn off for them. Best friend after many struggles found his queen but for a while there the prospects were bleak.

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    1. I hear you! Son#1 was stood up on a first date as soon as she found out he wasn’t a doctor or lawyer making lots of money! I say he dodged a bullet! I’m hoping that they find happiness even if that means no marriage or children!

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                1. At least it seems that way… Sometimes relationship maturity doesn’t come to those girls until all the really good guys are no longer available or they are no longer attractive to them (4 kids with 4 different guys and 2 divorces, a felony conviction and a drug habit)…

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                    1. There are some women who made poor choices when younger but have turned themselves around. I don’t think having a kid is a deal breaker but having the start of a basketball team is problematic – because when you join that family it will include all the baby daddies. And all the drama. And it may not seem the lady in question has learned to make good choices…

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  4. Dating was hard before, and now it’s even harder. I’m not sure all those computerized screening tools work, we always used to say opposites attract and those only match up similarities. People find contentment in all kinds of situations. I have unmarried twin cousins in their 40s who live together and are quite happy with the arrangement. I like your son’s idea of being open to whatever the universe might send his way, be it solitude, a dog, or a partner. Pushing too hard is a mistake. Many girls I knew who went to college to meet men and “get their MRS degree” jumped in too quickly and ended up divorced. I like your advice too. Doing what we find fulfilling gives us an appealing glow and puts us in contact with our tribe, others who share our passion. What better place to bump into a mate?

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  5. I’m 34. Given the circumstances, I do not think I’ll partner. I’ve had one real boyfriend. He was cool, but I was too immature for him at the time. I’m used to being single and alone. In school, I had a learning disability that made everyone hate me and treat me poorly. The good kids ignored me, thankfully. I’ve had sexuality used against me as a mode to destroy me and for power. It’s left me not wanting to enter into the game again. If I ever did date, I would have to go through counseling with a guy. That’s a red flag for him, right? Good luck to your sons.

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    1. I’m not so sure that it would be a red flag unless he’s too arrogant to understand what’s at stake, Or he could be too unwell to be alert to the high probability of needing that kind of help. Either way, I am glad that you are looking to live your best life right now, without a partner as long as one is not in sight. GO YOU! β™₯

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  6. I dunno. I am not even sure there is “one” Mr or Ms Right. I think there are several along the road like busses to the destination. I think we get more than one chance. Some of us (like me) weren’t raised in such a way that we could ever recognize that person even when they were wearing day-glo clothes and waving flags. Our idea of “comfort” was twisted. OK, that’s limited to me, but I don’t think it’s your sons.

    I think one of the most attractive qualities in another human being is that human being knowing how to be happy with his/her life. Such a person isn’t going to expect another person to make his/her life complete. Such a person has something to share with others and something to contribute to a friendship which, I think, a good romantic relationship is. If a person can’t be happy with him/herself I don’t think they can be happy.

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    1. For some there are multiple ways to get to their destination and others take a direct flight… Son#1 once mentioned that he didn’t want a girlfriend that he had to entertain. He had dated a girl and felt that he wasn’t her boyfriend as much as her social coordinator. He felt she was too needy. She couldn’t just enjoy sitting together and reading a book. (plus she had a thing for glitter which he hates)

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      1. Some people get on the right bus right away. Some people miss that right bus because they don’t clearly see it (maybe it’s foggy and stuff) and have to wait for the next right bus. That’s what I meant. πŸ™‚ Some people get on the wrong bus initially and that teaches them what the right bus will look like. Some people (like me) have no clue… πŸ˜€ Sometimes it’s the right bus, but it isn’t going all the way to the station for reasons of its own or it breaks down.

        It’s a very flawed transit system.

        Most of the men I’ve been with (all wrong busses) just wanted me to be someone else. It worked in its way for a while because I wanted to be someone else, too. Now? I realize the bus thing and I understand a lot more about life.

        It’s just hard and I’m not looking for a ride.

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        1. Love your analogy and I’m just happy that my bus is still rolling along! It is the saddest thing to see people waiting for a bus that won’t ever come… better to just start walking or turn and find home and a couple of dogs and beautiful skies!

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          1. Yep. Actually my “bus” didn’t find me (though HE missed it some 20+ years ago) and NOW, though we have acknowledged the whole transportation problem, that bus is in another country and we have the Covid situation and various other major quotidian issues like a very elderly parent. But I’m cool that with. I don’t know that I would exchange my couple of dogs and beautiful skies for??? I don’t know. Maybe the important thing is that we both KNOW. ❀

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            1. I think that sometimes the cosmos has other plans for us. Who knows? Perhaps if there weren’t a transportation issue you wouldn’t have written your books, wouldn’t have made the leap to your mountains, wouldn’t have your Bear and Teddy… There are so many what ifs. Thankfully the “what is” is something you embrace and enjoy! And that is really the most important part (all the other stuff is gravy)!

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  7. It took me until after a divorce to find mr right who also happened to be divorced! Maturity would have helped both of us not make our first marriage a β€œmistake,” yet, if it for our mistakes, would we have found each other? πŸ€”

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  8. Justathot: A man who was in our small church had been looking for a suitable bride, but wasn’t finding one so readily. A few of us married women asked if we could help, and he agreed to at least meet any suggested females that fit his necessary criteria (intelligent and willing conversationalist, and some musical appreciation as he trained for Opera). We found her after a year of searching (a few Ms Wrongs in the meantime). She was waiting for him in New Hampshire. The marriage is 10 years old and they are both deeply appreciative of the work that made it possible for them to meet and work things out from there.

    I dunno if your sons have older women who are willing to find them some dating candidates (other than their daughters), but this guy knew us after a year of attending the same church and liked the personalities of the ladies involved. We obviously liked his personality, too. BTW: both he and his bride were over their 40th birthdays when the happy meeting took place.

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    1. Haha! Perfect! I love happy endings. Yes both of them have friends and family on the lookout. One of the church ladies is scouting for son #1 (she met him when he helped unload a truckload of food for our food pantry). I’m not holding my breath because a watched pot never boils!

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  9. My youngest son is almost 38 (Thursday, this week.) He is still looking too. He met a young Finnish lady online, and has been corresponding with her. Dec. 28 he flew to Finland to meet her. He’s home in Rochester, N.Y. now, but I’ve only texted and not talked with him yet, so I know nothing. He did send 2 pictures of the 2 of them and they both look happy. They have a lot in common. Both are Christians and interested in mission work, and both like to travel and have lived in other countries. She speaks Finnish, French and English. He speaks English and a bit of German and French. My part now is to pray and wait and see what if anything happens.

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    1. That is true. Of course it helps when both families are supportive and the couple has many of the same things in common. At one point we figured we might be able to interest him and saintvi’s daughter into a relationship. But it never blossomed. 😦 Oh well, what will be will be… Perhaps there is some grand plan that God has in store for him that I am not privy to….

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  10. I know I sound like a broken record but…If you want to meet women, take up hiking, go to horse shows, or join a yoga group. There are easily four times as many women as men in these group activities. Girls, if you want to meet fun, fit, attractive guys, take up mountain biking. I can’t count the number of group rides where there are at least three guys for every woman. Obviously, they’re not all single but what fun you will have even if you don’t meet Mr. Right. If you’re a shy guy, offer to help set up jumps or other courses at a horse show; they always need strong guys. You don’t even need to know anything about horses. Hiking is super cheap to get started; all you need is a pair of comfortable shoes. The yoga class is a bit trickier because, as fun as it sounds, it’s not a spectator sport.

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    1. I will suggest the biking and hiking. Son#1 is not fond of large animals… Son#2 went to some Irish step dancing classes where he was one of two guys in the class. He enjoyed it but now that he’s moved to a different city that has fallen by the wayside.

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  11. I have been Re-Single (Yes, it is a word, if I want it to be) for the last 6 years! I love my cats and am content being alone, bit it does get lonely. I figure if God doesn’t want me to be alone, I will meet someone. And Yes, I do get out when I can.

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    1. Sometimes a good book and a purring cat are all a body needs! Sounds like you have it figured out and have snatched your joy back into your own hands. Some of the loneliest people I’ve ever met have never been alone!!

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        1. Hehe! That’s for sure! The boys have cousins who have “put the cart before the horse” in that respect. Fortunately it all turned out well and they are all doing well and the kids are loved and happy.

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  12. I found Ms. Right, in the middle of a snowstorm, in Zuni, NM, when I was 30. Son found his beloved online, also at age 30. There is much to be said for not freaking out about being single.

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        1. I think the trend is for later and later marriages. I waited until 26 and am so glad I did (and waited another 4 years before starting a family) so we were able to do many things that are difficult with kids in tow!

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