Looking Clingy

The cooler weather has created a problem. This is an issue I’ve struggled with for many years, and I’m not alone. There are millions of women who have faced this same thing and still there is no 100% perfect solution. I’m talking about static cling. This happens every year as the furnaces run and the humidity drops in every building in the colder regions of this country. It starts as a little bit of creep. The slip (yes some women still wear them under dresses) starts to crawl up. Eventually it is at the waist in a big wad (if you are unable to find a bathroom or quiet corner to adjust it to its proper position). Eventually it gets so bad that the dress starts to walk up your back side. This is when you must take drastic measures.

I was once told that the easiest “fix” was to wet your hands and smooth the fabric. This does work but only on fabrics that don’t show water marks and it is temporary. Another thing that can be done is to rub a dryer sheet on your slip and the underside of the skirt and between the slip and your stockings. Some have resorted to removing the nylon stockings – but if that look is unacceptable then you have no recourse. There is another cling problem can occur simultaneously with the above. That is the “hitchhiker” where you discover a piece of clothing (usually a pair of underwear) has been clinging to the inside hem of the skirt, and tantalizingly been showing itself to the world! To remedy this you must stealthily snag the hitchhiker and stow it in your purse.

But the worst and most annoying cling problem is when you are walking and the skirt or dress decides to adhere to your body in a painted on look. The skirt is wrapped around your legs, the back is glued to your glutes and the bodice (which used to be blousy) is now imitating a sausage casing. Do you ever wonder why women often wear their coats indoors? Now you know. With winter approaching I’ve been wearing my leggings under long skirts and this creates lots of static. My skirts do cling. This causes Sparky to want to touch me. It does however come with a cost. That static electricity will discharge and the resulting ZAP is often audible and visible followed by Sparky’s yelp of surprise….

For your poetic pleasure I present a Two by Four poem. It was invented in 1999 by Lee Ann Brown. It consists of 4 lines with 2 words per line. They may or may not rhyme. The subject emphasis is on whimsical, creative, or experimental use of language/word play.

Stealth static
Indecent cling
Thigh generator
Electric sting

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57 thoughts on “Looking Clingy

  1. Wow! That’s a lot of static.

    At work, I have a little self-created habit of brushing my fingers over some small metal objects several times a day before continuing my routine, to run off the excess electrons/charge. I wonder if it would be helpful for the amount of static you’ve described however.

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  2. Val, this made me giggle because it’s so true and I’ve never heard a great static story! It’s electrifying! I love the good shock I get every time I walk across my rug and touch the ligh switch! I really need to buy a humidifier!

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  3. hi Muri you brought me out in giggles again; I remember this from when I was 16 or 17 going to dance class- since then I must have stopped wearing female items offending as you describe. Jeans and warm leggings right now are quite safe. I even have one or two wide enough trousers (cotton) ( can wear leggings under (I abhor tights). I hope you and Sparky (nomen est omen?) get through winter safely. πŸ™‚

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  4. PS over the years, I have noticed more women than I would expect wearing high heels bare feet/legs (no tights/stockings) even in chilly weather with dresses or skirts. Have been wondering why they would do such a thing . Perhaps your piece has just solved the mystery.😲

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  5. And some of us (me) tend to electrify often. When it gets cold here in Texas, I get a zap when I turn off the light at night! (eek) When working Inhad to have a special floor mat so my electric self wouldn’t kill the computer. Hair spray can help and drinking lots more water…. but alas, like you said, nothing is 100%.

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  6. Great lead-in and poem. A friend of mine suffered a static-related incident in church. Christmas Eve mass was overcrowded and she ended up standing in the back holding a squirmy toddler. Unbeknownst to her, every time she readjusted the kid, her staticky dress hiked up another inch. She wondered why people were pointing and staring as she walked up to get communion. Turns out the hem of the dress was at crotch level, giving everyone a free show. I hardly ever wear dresses she gave me one more good reason to avoid them. If you want to have some fun, move away from open flames and turn off the lights before you remove your staticky sweatpants and enjoy the fireworks.

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    1. Hehe! Good story! There was a time I was staying in a hotel and the carpet was quite plush causing a lot of static buildup. I got to the elevator and as I reached to press the button a lightening bolt shot from my finger to the button. It was exceedingly painful. Since then I’ve shocked and been shocked by Sparky. He really is electric – and delights in sneaking up on me to shock me… ouch!!

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  7. LOL, I believe I’ve suffered all aspects of static cling. It should be at its worst right now, but dryer sheets and no longer owning a slip helps. I suppose sticking with jeans and sweatshirts during the winter makes a difference. πŸ˜‰

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  8. I wondered how Sparky got his name! It’s a long time since I’ve worn slips, or even skirts for that matter, and it’s not so dry that cotton pants spark (though it’s pretty dry here in the summer). Had to laugh , though — I remember one year when a bank required tht we wear “uniforms” — the skirt linings swished when we walked! The bank soon retired those uniforms!

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  9. Dresses? Hose? I quit wearing dresses when pantyhose went out of fashion and never looked back. I was just at the point where I could give up the bra when gravity intervened. I fall often enough without tripping over appendages.

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    1. We have a furnace humidifier and one in the bedroom! It is still a problem at home but even more so when I’m out. All the stores keep the humidity so low that it is a real shocker!

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    1. Sadly even cotton will hold a charge. The real issue is silk or nylon stockings. The work from home culture is making strides to allow many women to wear pants in the work environment. Still there are businesses who enforce a skirt and stockings with high heeled shoes dress code for women and 3 piece suit and ties for men…

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