There was a full moon a couple of nights ago. I was driving home and it caught my attention. For once the sky was clear and the moon very bright. I understand clearly why all ancient peoples were fixated on this sphere in the sky. The color and size made me think it resembled a bowl of milk… I decide to write a little double acrostic.
Fill the saucer to the brim
Until the milk reflects those who
Lap it up as cats are wont to do
Light the sky you midnight sun
Celebrating another rotation around the sun, I’ve been thinking about myriad events, instances, gifts, losses, friends, and family. Walking on the beach in frosty winds with the white sand surrounding me like snow (though it doesn’t melt), I’ve started to see patterns. As these patterns became apparent in the ridges of the undisturbed sand, the roll of the waves, and the swish of the sea oats, I started searching for them within myself. Don’t you know that if you start looking for something it is more difficult to find! I decided that the best way to find the patterns of my life was to be still and just breathe.
BAM! There it was, a pattern so obvious that if it had been a snake I’d have been bit! It is a faint and yet deeply imprinted pattern of passivity. I let the troubles and trials roll over and past me, waves that swamp and then recede, like an ocean tide. Always I stand firm, braced for the impact and then still standing as the ebb tide flows away. This is how I endured 26 years of a hostile workplace, how I maintained self worth amid the howling storm, how I survived all the little slights and was able to walk away. I look at life as riding a pendulum. It swings from the pits of hell to the heights of heaven. Passivity requires only that I hold on. For as bad as things might seem there is an equally good time if I just wait. I’m not sure when I developed this strategy – perhaps in high school, maybe college, or during my work life. Now I’m using this passivity to maintain equilibrium during the pandemic and while working through the loss of my mother. In short, passivity lets me “roll with the punches.”
Another pattern is one that goes completely opposite of passivity, being proactive. I know that this one was a college pattern. It was anticipating events and preparing for them. It is summed up in a quote from Chuck Yeager – “Never wait for trouble.” Proactivity was assisted by my need for control and desire for order. I was that student who read the syllabus, worked ahead and completed assignments early. I didn’t have to rush. I was never behind and forced to pull all-nighters. I had a schedule and because I was ahead of the game I had flexibility – to date, watch TV or go to sports events. This pattern of behavior allowed me to get ahead of the storm, have an umbrella, and when possible find shelter.
There are more patterns but these two have created a tapestry that I find pleasing. I’ve been on a delightful vacation (bet you didn’t even notice!) in Pensacola Beach, Florida visiting my youngest sister. Doubly so since I had Sparky by my side and my friend saintvi was dragged along too! More on the vacation to follow!