Looking at a Lament

I decided after a long day and now a sleepless night to go ahead and do the Wea’ve Written Weekly poetry prompt set by Aishwarya of writing a chain verse of at least 3 haiku and incorporating “mother”. It was a tough one especially since today marks one year without my mother. So I leaned into it, had a little pity party, a good cry, and sat down to write out all these emotions.

Mother don’t leave me
Meet me where love perseveres
Veer from there to here

Hear cries pitiful
Fulfill parental duty
Teach me to survive

I’ve forgotten love
Of all things even your voice
Voicing sorrows cry

I try to persuade
Wade through the depths of my soul
Old memories seize

Ease the pain recall
All memories foul and fair
Air fill with laughter

Turn the tears away
Weigh sadness and joy measure
Sure that heaven gained

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68 thoughts on “Looking at a Lament

    1. Thank-you Di. Sometimes it seems a long time ago and at other times it was just yesterday. Just finished talking to my sisters and had a couple laughs regarding my mother’s problematic relationship with Brussel sprouts and asparagus! I’m pleased you liked the poem…

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    1. I’m very pleased you thought this one good. I am doing much better today – spent time with Sparky, had the conference call with my sisters, and had Mochi-dog curl up next to me. I’m doing well and planning on getting a little more sleep tonight!

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  1. I am oddly inspired by your grief, and before you’re angry with me, let me explain. My mother was a mentally ill narcissist, and when she passed, we had a lovely funeral for her. Many people came who were her survivors friends and relatives. People who had avoided her for years showed up. The general emotion for almost all who came was compassionate RELIEF! We could gather and not build shields from her behavior. We could gather and be real with each other about her life and our affection for her best parts. There were tears, because she died from cancer and she’d suffered a lot of painful life events NOT of her making. But mostly – we were SO relieved that her machinations were done.

    So, knowing that there is a different way to mourn a loss from a nurturing and caring parent you knew your whole life, is foreign to me. But in a very good way. I’ve said it before, but I mean it with my whole heart, Val. I am SO thankful that you were blessed with this woman in your life, who cherished you and taught you good things about how to live without losing your character. ♥

    I am still sorry that the pain is so strong from that loss. I remember that some of my losses were so painful because I still felt that I needed them. I hope that you are still comforted with knowing her struggles are relieved, and that she is in such a better place than she would be if she was still enduring rather than living on in lesser life than she enjoyed in her prime.

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    1. Dodi, I don’t get angry very often and this didn’t cause me any hurt or agitation. I’m so sorry that your mother was not of the nurturing type. Being able to mourn authentically is a blessing. It has been a year since she died and the loss is still sharp. Having lost my father in 2008 I am familiar with how I process grief – which is neither quickly or orderly. Her passing was so sudden that we had no preparation. She had Thanksgiving dinner and was in good spirits but at 89 she tired more quickly. She excused her self from the festivities at ~9 PM and went to bed. The next morning she slept in and my sister had to go wake her up to take her morning medications. She said she couldn’t get up, was too weak, and her legs too swollen. My sister got her to the hospital, she was admitted and she died at 11:00 PM. She was alert and talking until she had said good-bye to all of us, she passed an hour later. No suffering, no prolonged illness or hospitalization. Just here and then gone. I think that is what was so difficult – my father had been ill for a very long time and we knew he would not get better so had begun grieving. There was no warning and no mental preparation… Dodi, I’m glad that my experience has shown you a different way and I wish your mother had been more like mine. ❤

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      1. Muri, what you describe sounds like a beautiful death, at 89 at that. But that’s not to say you are not allowed to grow through stages Kubler Ross points out, utterly disorderly at that. Warmly,

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    1. yes me too for the far search… as for bipolar – in my experience and thinking, mental ill health is a social construct for unlived parts – even though with b/p it presents with hormonal imbalance. Best wishes,

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    2. Ah Bonnie! I am so sad to hear that your mother was not as nurturing as she should have been… At least I can say that your mother did one thing right – she had you! Hugs to you ❤

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  2. Love this wail from your heart Val. Every time I see that beautiful crystal bell that she gave me, I think of her with such a feeling of warmth. I loved having your mother and you here. I miss her too.

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    1. Zakiah she had so much fun meeting all the xangans! You held a special place in her heart. I credit your wise counsel with saving her life when she had to have the aneurysm surgery. She is missed by many!

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  3. I teared up a bit while reading your poem, as I was remembering the months of grieving my mother had endured when my Grandmother passed away. A mother-child relationship is incomparable to anything else, and hence the Grief that a mother’s passing brings forth is incomparable too. Lovely poem!

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  4. This year it was four years for me. I haven’t noticed that I miss her less but I am remembering the times before dementia took her more, and the struggles of watching her go, day by day, less. Even at my age, 69, it’s unsettling not to have that one person who truly “got me” to turn to with little joys and sorrows. I wish I had words of comfort to wrap around you. Maybe it helps to know that we weep with you, and then laugh when you turn around and create a clever poem.

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    1. Thanks Judy. It is always hard to lose a parent. Dementia is a double death. I’m so sad for your loss. I’m glad you and your mother had that such a good relationship. I think crying and laughing together makes us better people and joins us in community… I’m glad you thought this a good poem.

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    1. Thanks so much Matt. WP isn’t exactly like Xanga but it is very similar in the kind of interactions between bloggers. I’ve found some absolutely marvelous people here. It isn’t as easy to connect/find people but once you start building connections it gets better… I’m glad to have found you on WP!!

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