Looking to Parent Well

There was a meme floating around Facebook that went something like: Teaching your child to question/stand up to authority means they will eventually question/stand up to you. This popped up on both our FB feeds while son#2 was visiting. He proceeded to tell me about a person he knew from college who had a confrontation with his father. The bottom line was that the son had an opinion that differed from his father’s and was unwilling to change his mind just because his father told him to. The father decided that might makes right and discovered that his “little boy” was an adult who could and would defend himself. This led to a discussion about his childhood, parenting, and the end result – a fully fledged successful adult. I told him that I hoped that I had “done right” by him even though I probably made mistakes. He reassured me that I had been and continue to be a great mom. He did point out a couple things:

1. He thanked me for keeping my promise to let him quit Suzuki violin lessons once he completed book 10. Of course he never did quit and he only got to book 9 before he graduated and went to college. He considered my “deal” to have been a stoke of genius and a little tricky. (He is a professional musician)

2. He said that if I hadn’t introduced him to foods/dishes from around the world he’d have ended up like a couple of his friends who refuse to eat anything except burgers and fries. He has been doing lots more cooking and has asked for recipes. That made my heart happy.

3. He was grateful that books were an integral part of his upbringing. He said that when we were all taking turns reading the latest Harry Potter book that it reinforced the fact that reading was something you did for life – not just as a kid in school. He has been reading a lot since he lives alone. He was bragging that he read nearly 100 books last year and hopes to better that number this year!

4. The one thing he holds against me is that I sold his TMNT figures at a rummage sale. But to be fair, he said I could and I did give him the money generated by the sale (he was in HS)… But now they’d be collector’s items and worth some coin. Hindsight is 20/20!

So to sum it up, his father and I did lots of things right and a couple of things we could have done differently but the end result speaks for itself. We have 2 fine citizens, who are respectful, caring, law abiding, and socially and environmentally conscientious. I think we did a decent job after all!

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68 thoughts on “Looking to Parent Well

  1. A similar even happened to my wife’s doll collection – but she didn’t know!

    You have reasons to be proud of your kids and of your’s & hubby’s achievements. I’m sure you made plenty of mistakes – all parents do – but the end result matters! … and they will put your examples into action if they have children.

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    1. Exactly! The mistakes we made weren’t really “mistakes” we just did the best we could with the information and knowledge we had at the time… If I had to do it over again, I would probably change a couple things but on the whole it was all good!

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  2. Aww, Val. This made my heart and face smile! I love the perspective of your son! Kudos to you and Sparky for obviously being spectacular parents! I visited with both of my sons yesterday and they gave me wisdom about a move I’m making and it made my heart smile. Isn’t it a great feeling knowing that our β€œkids” still appreciate us despite the many mistakes I know I made! I love you, Val! Great job and wonderful post!

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    1. Thanks Karla! I look at what we did and then compare that to the end result – and it is all good. Probably didn’t hurt that we brought them up in a God-centered home… I’m glad that your sons are able to give you feedback on things – it makes me happy that you are surrounded by so many caring family members! Love you too (and the Prayer Warriors send their love too).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, Val! I appreciate you so much! I’m fortunate to have many loved ones~unfortunately they live distances away, some of them, but we make love travel the way the best we can! Tell the Prayer Warriors (and YOU) that I love them!πŸ’•πŸ₯°πŸ™πŸ»

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  3. It’s a thrill when we see that our children are positive examples of maturity, content with their place in life; and understand that they have always been significant to their parents.

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    1. Ha! I wish there was an instruction manual! We muddle through and only much later can we determine the results! I’m doing the happy dance because it is all good! (sort of like experimental baking when you just have to cross your fingers and pray)

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    1. Oh I can so relate! Son#2’s girlfriend had such a hard childhood due to her parents being unfit… I look at what she has accomplished and think that she could have been even better if circumstances had been different! It does make you appreciate your upbringing when you see the dysfunction up close!! (Hugs)

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  4. Excellent Val. My parents encouraged me in a lot of things and did the best they could. There was never a lot of money to spare, but us kids never went without, though I know now just how much they did to accomplish that.

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  5. Congratulations! It does sound like you did a good job. (My daughter discarded her Star Wars Legos and is still mad that I didn’t somehow know she would want them later and save them…) (K)

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  6. I don’t know what the collection is and if you answer the bell doesn’t work. I won’t say notify me of new comments by email as I will get everything but an answer.

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    1. My kids were the first wave of fans – hard to believe that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been around for so long! Thanks Matt, we didn’t do any high fives or even a happy dance – instead my heart was full…

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  7. Your sons are very lucky to have you and Sparky as parents..and as somebody who followed you for a long while, i’ve read your stories about your sons, and i must you raised a very grounded, well- mannered gentlemen. 🌹🌹🌹

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    1. Hehe! At 34 and 35 years old they are adults and we have adult conversations. I try very hard to treat them as adult and they try to be adults! It took awhile for them to embrace independence but have both flourished… I appreciate them as people I would choose to have as friends – which I think is awesome!

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  8. Good parenting encourages the characteristics one wants embraced, and discourages those that are not so positive. It sounds as if you and Sparky did a great job with your sons!

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  9. You are both reasonable people with firm values. I can’t imagine there would be that sort of confrontation, stemming from not recognizing that your sons are full adults-which is, after all , the goal of most parents.

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