I gather the discarded items here
Sort them and stack them and put them in piles
Suggest a high price for keepsakes so dear
Remembering the events brings back smiles
Thoughts of birthdays and Christmases long past
Lost in the memories of happier days
Of family and children who grew up fast
With crayons, baseball, and parts in school plays
I’m hurried and rushed but no more delays
I’m hurried and rushed but no more delays
The closets and kitchen are sorted out
The auction will start at morning’s first rays
China and glassware are scattered about
Hand tatted lace and embroidered bed sheets
I’ve packed up suitcases with things to keep
Including my bed and a pair of seats
Tomorrow the lot will be purchased cheap
What isn’t sold will go to the scrapheap
What isn’t sold will go to the scrapheap
Decluttered, divested no baggage claimed
In a new home tonight I will find sleep
I hold onto that family picture framed
It isn’t as hard as facing down death
We’re all alone and the house was too big
Less muss and fuss when I take my last breath
I’m wasting away, my arm’s like a twig
A discarded person my grave they dig
This is a poem written as a Novelinee. It was created by Sarah Rayburn as a derivative of the Spenserian stanza. It consists of at least one 9 line stanza written in iambic pentameter or with decasyllabic (10 syllable) lines. The rhyme scheme is a/b/a/b/c/d/c/d/d. When more than one stanza is used the last line of the preceding stanza becomes the first line of the following stanza. If you have more than one stanza the last line of the last stanza is a derivative of the very first stanza of the poem. (It sounds so much harder than it really is to write!)
As for the content. Well, Sparky’s parents are thinking of moving into assisted living. His father is hoping sooner rather than later. They are nearing 90 and the condo is getting hard for them to maintain even if there is no outside maintenance. They have started the sorting and paring down of the household. Sparky’s dad seems not to have any strong attachments to things he owns. It is his mother who is struggling with the letting go. She has started asking if there is any one thing that each of her children would want. But those things are easy to part with – she knows that they will be cherished. It is the little things, like her collection of little glass pigs, her favorite wooden spoon, the magazine holder, and all the paintings on the walls. For the last 3 months she has been sorting photographs into piles on the dining room table. The process has now moved to putting them in photo albums. The place that is highest on the list will provide a bedroom, living room and bath. That would mean they have to get rid of 3 rooms of furniture and all their kitchen stuff. It is a very hard process.
Your in-laws (and you and Sparky) are fortunate that they get to accomplish this gargantuan task at their own pace and by their volition.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It is painful to watch but I’m grateful that they are doing the bulk of the work themselves. Also that the decision is theirs and no one is being labeled as the “bad guy”. That is a consideration that is not lost on Sparky and his siblings!
LikeLike
I have a friend currently going through the same thing. She’s been decluttering for the past 12 months. It truly is a mammoth task. On the other hand, every time one of the daughters visit I send them home with a few precious items. “Take nanna’s trifle bowl. This teapot is from the 1940s. Or these champagne glasses are crystal.” I don’t use these things anymore and I figure it rehomes the sentimental stuff well before I pass. Of course, they can fight over my Errol Flynn and possum collections once I’ve left the building.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My great grandmother did that. She was “nomadic” in her later years traveling between my grandmother’s house and my great aunt’s place. She had clothes in both places and a few special keepsakes and jewelry but had divested herself of all the big things…I was gifted a small gold glazed china cup. It was very gaudy but at the time I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world! Sadly it was one of the things to go missing in the last move…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I remember doing that with my mother after my father died. But your mother-in-law is leaving a good legacy by making photo albums–I have boxes full of photos from my mother that I still haven’t gone through. Not to mention my own photos…and the digital ones which no one will ever take the time to look at again I fear. We lost something there, something to pass on. (K)
LikeLiked by 1 person
The photo albums are being compiled with one for each child – and so far there have been lots of reminiscing when we gather every Sunday for ice cream! The photo albums are a thing of the past…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a good gift.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The photo albums are really nice – especially since we all got together and labeled them with the names and dates of the people…
LikeLiked by 1 person
So important! There are so many photos of my mother’s I can’t identify–too many.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Which is why every Sunday we look through the albums and hear the stories behind the photos…
LikeLiked by 1 person
A hard process indeed. 😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Ruth. It is hard on everyone but it is better that they make the decisions. We have accepted several “gifts” that are going to be offered to the boys. We also now own a set of Peanuts drinking glasses. The price on eBay was in excess of $15 each! These will be sold eventually!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh yes! Much easier when they make the choice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Absolutely!
LikeLike
So many memories soak into our “things”. Because women have been the “home” builders, makers, and maintenance sustainers, it feels a bit like dying to let things go that say we are no longer keeping a Home, or that we are no longer able to sustain one. I’m proud of your in laws for taking this task seriously, and deliberately.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. She has a couple favorite pans and a serving spoon that are likely going to be more difficult to relinquish than her curio cabinet or her big plant stand!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Our friend, Ann, wrote about this process with her mum. Sometime later, my husband and I faced this same situation with his mum who lived about 2 hours away. His mum held on to everything (and I mean everything). Back when we were younger, my husband and I would try to do some clearing but always gently and with respect for her. Still, his mum would take a fit over each attempt. It came to a point where no amount of cajoling worked and it was very stressful to get her to see that the house was getting into bad shape and that something had to be done. Finally, my husband gave up, and when he did, it meant I had to as well, like it or not.
Still, for as long as we could, every time we visited every 2 to 3 months, our kids would help us to scrub and clean – but we couldn’t throw out anything. Hence, with the tons of things still in the house, you had to wonder if our cleaning made any difference. Plus, it was increasingly agitating her. Then, my own health issues hit and I could no longer clean her home. In 2020, Covid kept us all apart and a year after, my mother-in-law had a stroke and had to be moved into a seniors’ home.
She left a house that was a veritable nightmare. You can be sure that I won’t let that happen with our home.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My SIL has a monumental task. Her mother was a true hoarder. She had dementia and then a stroke. She and her siblings have so far cleared the garage, kitchen and the hallway. They had to resort to shovels and a big dumpster (about the size of a dump truck) which they had to have emptied twice. There is a bedroom with things piled to the ceiling – all brand new clothes with the tags still on them! I suspect it will be another year before they can start working on the house to get it fixed up to sell…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s really tough. Yes, I agree – it’s not something you can get done quickly. At least your family has made some progress. That should bring some relief. We will like face the same thing soon enough so the tip about the dumpster is appreciated. Will definitely need one, to be emptied several times too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And that process is still ongoing for my SIL and her siblings. As for my in-laws, the winnowing continues. We have started a another pile – to sell at the annual neighborhood garage sale. The only problem is where to store it all! Sparky’s sisters have space but weather and logistics have hampered things…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can certainly relate to your mothers dilemma. Yesterday Scott’s best friend was here. I gave him all of Scott’s art work in the attaché case, his hiking jacket and motorcycle vest and he helped by going through Scott’s photo’s and handed me what was of no use to anyone. I gave him Scott’s walking sticks but kept one he gave Wil. Not that Wil understands now. I will put instructions in the big album Carissa and I made when Scott died so that Tommy gets it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That photo album will be the best gift… I’m talking to son#1 about my wishes and hopefully I won’t leave a big mess…
LikeLiked by 1 person
All of the things that sorting signifies are more difficult to accept than the sorting itself. How do you let go of life? I admire them for their decision and honor this process, having done it for my aunt Martha and doing it now for myself, though less drastically and differently because there’s no one to do it for me later. Beautiful poem that expresses it well.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Martha. My FIL is much more anxious to make the move than my MIL. I’m hoping that the end result is beneficial for them both. With time becoming shorter (they are on a waiting list for their first choice of places), they will need to be ready when they get the call that a unit is available. The estimated time is in March or April…
LikeLiked by 3 people
❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not much time left…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes and we feel it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That would be very hard.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It is very hard but necessary.
LikeLike
Yes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
I’m going to dread cleaning out my parent’s place. My sister lives there now. So far we’ve donated / threw away old clothes, pots and pans (except for my mom’s wok), miscellaneous papers that my dad kept. My sister did all of that. What’s left are the “valuable” things like my mom’s paintings. I don’t think people know how agonizing this experience can be. You’ve captured it well.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks much Matt. At least your sister is living there and is able to clean bit by bit. It is the valuable things that are often the easiest to let go. I have a pair of my grandmother’s fancy gloves that aren’t worth much but to me they are priceless!
LikeLiked by 3 people
There comes a time when we all start thinking about downsizing, not just the size of the home we live in, but also the contents that are in the home. I need to do that. As always, a great write, Val!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Zakiah! It is a really difficult choice – when to start and what should go to family and friends versus what is donated to the second hand shops and what goes into the trash!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Stephen’s mom had to do the same. It was so difficult..emotionally. Prayers for Sparky’s parents..especially his mom.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’ve described this stage of life well. I’ve told my kids that I will do everything in my power to make my passing as easy as possible. Actually started downsizing in my 50s. It’s hard enough to deal with grief but then all the estate stuff. They don’t need the hassle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True. My mother divested herself of house and car. We still had her clothes and jewelry (some valuable but most of it sentimental) and of course some furniture to deal with but since she lived with my sister it was mostly my sister’s anyway…
LikeLiked by 1 person
That makes it so much easier!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It really did. And she was very organized so all the important papers were filed and easy to find…Still it was a nightmare dealing with some of the investment companies but much less so than having to sort and dig through everything in a frantic hunt for policy numbers and such.
LikeLike
Yes, having everything at your disposal makes for less trouble, but I remember too that getting in touch and making sure to follow through on everything was a little tedious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly. The long slog of getting all the companies to comply was mostly awful. Have to say the Mutual of Omaha was the most hassle free…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thankfully, it’s in the past now. ((hugs))
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is indeed a tough process. Mother left the downsizing to the four of us, so only her most cherished keepsakes made the journey to Assisted Living. When I left Phoenix, five truckloads of stuff went to Goodwill.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a hard job.
LikeLiked by 1 person