A wind tossed sky with clouds far flung
I grasp for meaning in the sky
Shout with fervor as they pass by
Midnight heavens with stars high hung
To stop their motion is my dream
Or pause their light and still their gleam
Hold time still like when I was young
Recall the angry words you’ve said
I apologize before bed
Wish away all the hurt that stung
The wounds will heal it just takes time
True love exists beneath the slime
Sweet love words dripping from your tongue
Nothing changes its all the same
Come to you when you call my name
This is a Constanza, a poem of 5 or more 3 line stanzas with 8 syllables per line. The trick is the rhyme scheme – a/b/b a/c/c a/d/d a/e/e a/f/f etc. where the first line of each stanza creates a monorhyme poem that could stand alone.
I was listening to a conversation in the booth behind me at a restaurant. I can’t help but hear when people discuss in public what should be private. It was disturbing. There are far too many women who are so desperate for connection that they accept and normalize abusive behavior. The conversation was of one woman pouring out her woes to her friend. I have to give the friend credit, she tried to tell her friend that what she was experiencing was NOT love. But there was no penetrating the belief that he really did truly love her.
GREAT poem and story structure. Source of material response: Poor thing.
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Thanks Dodi! I’m thrilled you liked this poem! Yes it is a shame that she was satisfied with her relationship.
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I agree! I like the rhythm! I would give it a try if I had time but time is in short supply these days. I am thankful to at least have some energy! Time and energy are so valuable!
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well the bell is finally working and I can now read all your replies. 🙂
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BONNIE!!! I’m so happy everything is working again! Welcome back!!
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well I always read your posts, just didn’t try to comment.
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Good! I’m glad you were able to read!!
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Hmm..this is sad. 🙂
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Yes Kitty it was very sad.
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You are really at your best with writing poem in strict poetic form. This is my favorite to date Val.
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Mich -thanks tons! I enjoy the challenge of writing when there are strict parameters. I’ve done free verse (in fact it was a year long personal challenge back in 2007 or 2008 to only write free verse). Haiku/senyru are about as “free verse-like” as I want to get most of the time. Although there are moments when I give it a go.
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Great form and well written, such a shame that some women don’t find the strength to schange their destiny 🤍
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Thanks Ange. It is a sad state of affairs.
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I like this form.
Love is complicated. Especially when we are inside it. We have normalized the idea that it’s OK, even admirable, for men to abuse women. Otherwise we would not have the Supreme Court that we do, or the President that we did. (K)
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Thanks Kerfe. Amen to your observation…
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Listening to other peoples’ conversations in restaurants or cafes can be interesting, also disturbing. I remember a few incidences, where I would have wanted to barge into other peoples’ conversations, especially when it comes to couples. Like you, I would have liked to say ‘this is not love’. And again, you have introduced me to a new form of poetry, Valerie. Thank you!
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Thanks Britta! I love to explore new forms and this is one that I find fun to do. I’m a people watcher and I can’t help but listen in when they are talking in an above normal volume right behind me!!
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A beautiful poem on a hard subject.
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A very difficult situation. It is sort of like watching someone smoke. It is a slow suicide but I can’t go up and slap the cigarette from their hand!
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Yes you are right.
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*sigh*
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I think some just hate to be alone. If you marry later in life, you truly know more of what you want and need.
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Sometimes. Often not. The cycle of abuse and being abused is perpetuated from generation to generation….
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absolutely love the rhythm of this one Val … and join you in wondering why women are so desperate to compromise
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Thanks Kate. This form is one that is so fun to write! As for the subject – I’ll never really know what her motivations were for remaining in her relationship…
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and I doubt she is interested in looking too closely 😦
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I think so too.
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Those women are not necessarily desperate for connection. They might have been brought up in an abusive household and what they’re experiencing seems normal — even if miserable — to them. They’re not compromising. They are very possibly unwittingly confused about how love should be, what love is, and that it is not that. They — we — would do better to talk to a therapist than a friend.
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I agree that there may be unpleasant history and our childhoods do follow us into adulthood. The self awareness to seek professional help doesn’t come to many until they reach a crisis. It was obvious that she didn’t see anything in her relationship that was abnormal…
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Because for her there wasn’t anything abnormal.
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Sad. But probably true.
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I have been her.
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… saw a fb post whizzing past the other day saying … ‘someone can be desperately loving you and still be unable to follow the feelings in action…’ – that’s an angle that seems to me opening a door to relate but in a self-protective mode whatever that may mean. – I am not very optimistic about ‘professional help’ in that scenario but that may be because I am knitted in a somewhat autistic fashion. It does help some, I know.
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Since I didn’t know the people in the next booth, I have no idea what their background was or if they had any mitigating situations…
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isn’t that the point?
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Sometimes.
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what point is a poem that does not acknowledge the poet’s not-knowing?
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Unless the poet does know and is making their point of view known…
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I think some men are guilty of the same.
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Agreed.
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Val, I really liked the construction of the poem and the way you have described the feelings in words. Bravo.
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Thanks bunches Zakiah! How are you doing? I haven’t seen you posting on FB or here….
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I don’t post much on Facebook by way of poems or articles. Just a sundry , hi hello kind of nodding, or sometimes I post my paintings.
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I hardly ever go on FB but when I’m notified of a new post I do go to take a peek….
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I know from my parents, especially my mother, I learned I needed to have a man. I think we might be outgrowing that notion a bit, but there are still older generations (like me) who grew up with that and it’s hard to break away from that idea that you are nothing without a man.
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A sad state. I do remember thinking that if I didn’t find a husband by the time I graduated college I’d end up alone forever. That said, it took 5 years of dating to finally marry and then another 5 years to decide to start a family… I read a book titled, “Why do I think I am nothing without a man?” that really put the spotlight on that mindset. I wish I’d kept that book – but I gave it to a friend who had just had a long-term relationship implode. She said it was a life saver! https://www.amazon.com/Why-Think-Nothing-Without-Man/dp/0553278797
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I agree. I became a single parent at 24 because I was convinced I would never “find someone” because I can’t tell you how many times my mother reminded me that she was married at 22. I am thankful that we seem to be moving past that to some extent.
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My parents didn’t get married until they were 26 – has beens by the culture of their times!
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Oh yes! I remember when I first started working for my church and looked through the records at how many people were married when they were like 19 or 20. I was shocked.
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Yep. My HS graduating class was missing about 10 girls who married their Senior year and didn’t graduate. It was a shame – if a girl married or was pregnant they couldn’t continue their education…
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We had a first in my class – a girl who was pregnant not only kept coming to school but also graduated with us. Ground-breaking and unheard of at the time.
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My youngest sister had a girl in her class that kept it a secret, She managed to graduate before she was due but it was a big secret! Everyone was shocked when they found out!
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Well done with the form! And perceptive commentary. We can hope that a seed was planted during the luncheon, and the one woman will get out of the relationship she’s in.
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Yes. Sadly I’ll never find out. Her life will remain a mystery… I’m tickled you enjoyed this form!!
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Love is often so misunderstood, misdefined and made far to complicated. Abused people who stay with their tormentors, by and large, are riven with fear of aloneness. Penny would never have tolerated the least abuse, nor would my mother. Thankfully, I have never had the urge to be anything less than truly loving.
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Yes Gary, there are some people who are so afraid of being alone that they accept abuse. I think I was lucky to have lived on my own for 3 years and learned to be happy with my aloneness! That made a difference. Those who go from family home to marriage and never have had to learn self-reliance are at a distinct disadvantage in recognizing love.
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