Sunday was Father’s Day and I was just reminiscing… When I was in college my roommate was having a hard time with her father. He had made the pronouncement that she would NOT major in elementary education. Instead she toyed with art, which met with disapproval. She tried history which also was not acceptable. She ended up in the school of business as a labor relations major. She was miserable. My dad had driven me to campus to drop me off after a break. After he left she looked at me with tears in her eyes. Her words made a lasting impression, “I wish I had a Daddy, instead I have a Father.” I always called my father Daddy, that was his name. I never thought about it until that moment in college. Then it was clear that almost all of my friends called their fathers “Father”. A very few, and mostly the guys, called their fathers “Dad”. I was the lone hold out still using “Daddy”.
I then looked at the relationships they had with their parents, and fathers in particular. Almost all of them were distant. Most had very authoritarian fathers and mine was no less than theirs. Mine often responded with phrases like, “Because I said so.” His word was law. And yet there was never any doubt that he loved us beyond measure. He baked cookies for us. He would join us for Saturday morning cartoons and laugh hard. He would tell jokes (and yes they were dad jokes) and we would all laugh. We would join him in watching Laurel and Hardy, Jerry Lewis, The Three Stooges, and a variety of others that contained slapstick humor. He would laugh. We would laugh. He would laugh at us laughing at him laughing and finally we’d all be crying and holding our sides. Every so often he’d come home from work with a bag of candy – Chuckles, Circus Peanuts, Jelly Beans or if we were lucky Gumdrops or perhaps Orange Slices. Although I spent a fair amount of time at the homes of my friends, they seemed to spend more time at my house.
My father had a very stern demeanor. He looked ferocious. But soon my friends realized that he was not a Grizzly Bear but closer to the Teddy Bear. I remember the first time my friend Anita saw my father laugh. We had gone to the theater to see the movie Peter Pan. As Captain Hook was dangling and the croc was snapping at his posterior my Daddy started roaring with laughter. Yes, out loud in the theater! Her eyes got really big and she turned to me not knowing what to think. We were all laughing and she had to laugh too. That was the turning point. All of a sudden she was no longer afraid of him. Her own father on the other hand was a very sour man. I never saw him laugh or smile for that matter. He basically ignored her which might have been part of the issue causing her to pull out her eyelashes…
My friends all had fathers but I did not
Their fathers worked from sunup to sundown
‘Twas never jealous of what they had got
Their fathers’ faces wore always a frown
To my house they’d come each and ev’ry day
To escape their fathers’ short temper fuse
I welcomed their presence to join my play
Wondered why my house was the one they’d choose
As I grew up it became crystal clear
Cookies baking, giggles, and jokes galore
All the laughter and fun times drew them near
My house welcomed all with an open door
I had two parents so don’t be too sad
I lacked a father but had the best dad
This is a sonnet but I really don’t like iambic pentameter so this is as good as it gets… Sonnets by the way are 14 lines with a rhyme scheme of: a/b/a/b/c/d/c/d/e/f/e/f/g/g written is iambic pentameter (10 syllables – 5 feet of 2 syllables where the 2nd syllable has the stress)
A Different Perspective 